Teamwork at Home

Encouraging Kids to Do Their Share

Getting kids to help tidy up may seem like an uphill battle, but research shows that giving children chores has long-term benefits. Studies reveal that kids who regularly participate in household tasks tend to grow into happier, more successful adults. Why? Chores teach responsibility, time management, teamwork, and the satisfaction of contributing to a shared goal. So, how do we make tidying up a positive experience? The key is tailoring tasks to their age and capabilities while creating an environment where chores feel meaningful—and maybe even fun!

Fostering a Shared Mindset

It's essential to create a mindset where everyone who lives in the home understands that they share responsibility for its upkeep. All too often, household duties disproportionately fall on the shoulders of women, reinforcing outdated gender roles and creating an unnecessary imbalance. When asking someone to complete a task, it’s important to avoid phrasing such as, "Can you do this chore for me?" This subtly implies that the task is your responsibility, and the person is doing you a favor by assisting. Instead, use language that reflects shared ownership of the space and its upkeep. For example, say, "Can you take care of this?" or "Let’s work on this together." This small shift in phrasing emphasizes that maintaining the home is a collective effort, fostering a sense of unity and fairness. By instilling this perspective in children and adults alike, we help create a culture of mutual respect and shared responsibility.

Teach them first

Before expecting your child to take on a new chore, it’s essential to teach them what to do and clearly define your expectations. Tasks that may seem straightforward to you—like cleaning a room or vacuuming the floor—can feel overwhelming to a child if they don’t fully understand the steps involved or the standard you’re looking for. Start by demonstrating how to do the chore and even work alongside them the first time to help build their confidence. Encourage questions and allow them the freedom to try their own method, even if it’s not exactly how you would do it. If their approach is still effective, embrace it; if not, consider offering a gentle suggestion, explaining why your way might be quicker, easier, or more thorough. This collaborative and understanding approach not only teaches valuable skills but also fosters a sense of independence and pride in their work.

Toddlers & Preschoolers (2-5 years old): Building Early Habits

At this age, kids love to imitate adults and take pride in small accomplishments. Harness their enthusiasm by involving them in simple, manageable tasks:

-Toy Pick-Up: Encourage them to put their toys into bins or baskets. Make it into a game by counting toys together or racing to finish tidying. Make a competition out of the task and vary the experience to keep them engaged.

-Setting the Table: Let them place napkins, cutlery and plates (accommodating for age to reduce breakages) at each spot. They'll enjoy the responsibility and it makes them feel grown-up.

-Sorting Laundry: Teach them to separate socks from shirts or linens from clothes. It’s like solving a puzzle!

Make it fun with songs or stickers for tasks completed. Praise their efforts rather than perfection, and watch their confidence grow. In our busy lives, it often seems easier just to do the task ourselves. This may be the case in the early years, but without teaching them at an early age, we are fighting an uphill battle to share the load when they become older.

Older Kids (6-12 years old): Building Independence

Children in this age group are ready for more challenging chores that require focus and a sense of accountability. This is the perfect age to start cultivating independence:

-Room Organisation: Have them tidy their bedroom, make their bed, and put away clothes. Encourage personalisation the more a child’s bedroom feels like their space and reflects their interests, the more likely they are to maintain the space. If keeping their room tidy seems impossible, consider if they have too much stuff in their room. Is it time for a declutter?

-Dishwasher Help: Kids can load and unload dishes, sort utensils, or wipe counters.

-Pet Care: Feeding or grooming pets helps foster empathy and responsibility.

Consider using chore charts or giving small rewards for consistent effort. Highlight how their help benefits the household, and they'll feel a sense of accomplishment.

Teenagers (13 + year olds): Prepping for Adulthood

Teenagers may resist chores, but this age is critical for teaching them skills they'll need as adults. Try to focus on tasks that prepare them for real-world responsibilities and where possible, align tasks with their interests. I find allowing older children and teenagers to choose from a list of tasks with a known reward attached, more successful and with less grumbling.

-Cooking Basics: Have them plan and prepare simple meals. It's a life skill they'll thank you for later. And by allowing them to plan the meal, you are giving them a sense of ownership over the task and they are more likely to comply.

-Deep Cleaning: From vacuuming to scrubbing bathrooms, these chores teach attention to detail and pride in maintaining a clean space. This can be a tall ask for an unwilling teenager, but positive incentives such as more computer time can be beneficial.

-Yard Work: Mowing the lawn, raking leaves, or weeding are get tasks for bringing your teenager out of their bedroom cave. And once completed, their efforts are visually big and impactful, giving them a real sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Engage them with discussions about how their contributions directly impact family life. Be consistent and firm but also offer flexibility, letting them choose which tasks they prefer.

A word on rewards and incentives

Getting kids to help with household chores can feel like an uphill battle, but with the right mix of rewards and encouragement, it becomes a manageable—and even enjoyable—process. Turning chores into games or friendly competitions is a fantastic way to engage little ones; for example, set a timer for a brisk 15-minute tidy-up session, ensuring they know there’s a clear end in sight, and stick to that promise—even if the task isn’t fully complete—so they feel a sense of accomplishment and autonomy. For older kids, a structured list of chores tied to earning pocket money can foster responsibility, but flexibility is key—rather than withholding money for incomplete tasks, offer ‘make-up chores’ to help them rebound from a missed day without resentment. Special incentives for extra efforts, like choosing dinner, additional screen time, or sharing quality one-on-one moments with you, can also spark enthusiasm and reinforce a sense of value and reward for their contributions. By cultivating positivity and creativity, household tasks can transform into an opportunity for growth and connection rather than a dreaded obligation.

Final Thoughts

Chores aren't just about tidying up; they’re about teaching life lessons that shape character and success. By involving kids in tasks tailored to their age and ability, you’re helping them develop critical skills like problem-solving, perseverance, and responsibility—all while keeping your home a little neater in the process. So, start small, stay consistent, and celebrate their progress. The effort you invest now will pay off in happier, more capable young adults who value their role in the world.

Have you tried any of these approaches with your kids? I'd love to hear what works for you.